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Welcome to Medicine!

My friend just graduated from medical school. Her fourth year has brought her out of the wood work. It's been nice seeing her before she disappears again for another five years. Her favorite activity is tell me anecdotes from her rotations.

A:  Welcome to the world of medicine! It only gets more insane from here. 
A:  you'll get that lovely guy who comes in with a chief complaint of injected crystal meth into his penis
A:  and then you realize why society as whole = fail
A: as per pt, "other people at the party were doing it"
so he thought it was ok
Me: What part did he inject it into?

A Christmas Story.

This is my canal in my backyard.

Pretty right?

Over the Christmas Holidays, Jason decided to finally get himself a fishing pole and a lure to go pier and canal fishing. So our friend Michael, Jason, and I went out to our local tackle shop and bought a pole. 

While Jason was out that night, I decided that it was time to test out his new pole. So Michael and I rig up the pole, put the weights, beads, lure, etc on and go to my backyard.

I cast.

The line catches on a tree, and I hear a snapping sound.

The entire rig set up splashes into the canal. At least I still have a fishing pole in my hand. I'm stunned.

Michael laughs. Then he suggests that I go to buy some large  fish from a grocery store and cook it for dinner as a decoy. I point out that Jason knows that I refuse to filet fish, which is how most grocery store fish comes. Not a good enough lie. Then he suggests that I go to an Asian grocery store to find whole fish and tell Jason I fished it out of the canal and froze it. Both plans were not really reasonable. It would have tasted different.

So in the end we decided to lie to Jason and tell him an otter caught our lure and snapped it. Otters definitely hang out in our canal a lot. (Jason didn't buy our story at all by the way.)
Fast forward to the next morning.

Michael sees the lure during low tide and says we might be able to get it back if I jump in from our neighbor's backyard. So while Jason is working in the garage, we decide to trespass into our neighbors yard and jump into the canal.

Repeat after me: Laura is very, very, very stupid.

There's a lot of mud and silt in our canal bed. And barnacles. And oyster shells. When a human being jumps into this combination, she starts sinking into the silt. She can't get out because there's suction. The more she struggles, the further in she sinks. Then her feet and legs get cut up by shells, she's knee deep in mud and silt, and she's bleeding all over the f*ckin place. Did I mention that it was 40 degrees outside and the water was freezing?

At this point I'm screaming for Jason. He comes out. He is utterly confused. "Why the hell is my girlfriend in our canal having a panick attack while Michael is hanging onto her arm?"

It took awhile to fish me out and clean me up but it happened.. (Sidenote: Lose a lot of weight before next situation arises where two men have to physically drag me out of something) 

Then I called epidemiology department at work, where my coworkers roared with laughter at me and told me to go to my closest ER. I got a tetanus shot and some antibiotics. I'm fine, but my pride may not recover. Jason has another great Laura story to add to his books.

My next home purchase will be on land. Lots and lots and lots of LAND. Empty land, where Laura can't get into trouble.

Thanksgiving dinner

Overall our Thanksgiving dinner went well. It was mostly madness, and Jason and I didn't really get a chance to eat until late because we were trying to put the bread pudding into a water bath. Our families came, and so did Jason's uncle and aunt. Apparently his uncle and aunt keep to themselves a lot, because I've met them all of twice in six years. But they actually got along with my parents very well. 

The food was good. We had an amazing homemade cheesecake, and the bread pudding was out of this world. Jason wants to make it again, but I'm recoiling from the idea. There were so many steps involved, I wanted to cry by the time we were done. You had to make the bread, then a vanilla bean sauce, then a custard to cook the bread in, another caramel apple sauce, and then whip cream to put on top. And the water baths were a total nightmare.  

I will go down the street and find a restaurant to make me some damn bread pudding, thank you. 

But the family loved the food, and everyone took home lots of leftovers. 

On Saturday I drove down to Fort Myers for a college reunion at my friend's house. tiney , I bbq'd with your little brother at Lyn's house! My friend Lyn is a vegan, and her mom made us a huge vegan bbq feast in their backyard. It was amazing. Their house is on a canal, and we watched the sunset while eating. If someone cooked like that for me everyday, I would become a vegan in a heartbeat. 



When your male ex military coworker walks by and comments on how your windows media player graphic reminds him of Ortho Tri-Cyclen packs he used to distribute in the Family Planning Clinic.

William and Txting

I taught my brother how to txt message. He loves it. There's no social pressure, no awkwardness from him, no confusion about how quickly he needs to respond or think.

It benefits me too. When his computer/Nintendo DS/bus service/internet breaks he no longer calls me 50 times in a row. He txts me. Once. When there's a new movie out that he wants me to see with him, he txts me. Once. It's glorious freedom. My mom figured out that the easiest way to find me is to have William txt me. So now I no longer have to field phone calls from my mom either. Life is good.

He's been txting me from China. He does it once a week to tell me what they've been up to. He's comfortable being emotional through this medium. He tells me how much he misses home, how much he misses me. He tells me that his life is not complete without constant internet access. He tells me about his trip to Taiwan. He calls me "Dear Sister" and tells me he wishes I were with him.

Then I get on the phone and call him. And I ask him a million questions. He answers with one word. He stutters. He says nothing in response. Then he gets frustrated and hands the phone to someone else.

I think they should base research off of my findings. Txting is a good method for autistic people to communicate. They should publish my observations in scientific journals and make me famous. Someone should pay me lots of money for my revolutionary ideas. I should be able to retire early. And buy a house on an island. With a sailboat. And a gourmet chef will cook my meals each day. I also want a personal hair stylist. Because my hair is always doing something funky. I want someone to fix my funkiness. I wouldn't mind a pet goat either. It can eat my lawn. I hate yard work.

*crickets chirp in the background*

Spirit Day

Originally posted by neo_prodigy at Spirit Day

It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes at at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh (top)
RIP Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase (middle)
RIP Asher Brown and Billy Lucas. (bottom)

REBLOG to spread a message of love, unity and peace.

I have an 8 hour road trip to Atlanta ahead of me after work. There's a massive storm brewing in the sky....
Happy Chinese New Year Y'all!

Jason's making me an incredible Valentine's Day dinner, and we're celebrating the lunar new year next Friday with family. Mmmmmm, I love this time of year.
Someone hacked into my email account and now I have to wait 24 hours until my password resets. WTF this is annoying. My whole life is on there.

I have no idea who it is, it could be anybody. But it makes me immediately think of my ex who decided to hack into my LJ account and delete it a few months after our breakup. Apparently I pissed him off with a comment about how he was living with a girl he vehemently denied his interest in towards the end of our relationship.

He doesn't exactly have a reason to do that to me now though. I haven't seen him or contacted him in years.


Dear Big Toenail Clipper,

Whatever box you are in among those piles and piles of unpacked items, I just wanted to let you know I miss you very much. And that when my paycheck comes in tomorrow, I am dragging Jason and myself to a nail shop to get pedicures. For both of us. Because this is absolutely disgusting. And my closed toed boots are starting to feel a little bit squeezed.

Sure I could just go down to the drugstore and replace you. But that would ruin the fun of dragging my very masculine boyfriend and his sexy butt to the pedicure shop.

Goodbye forever,